You're completely useless in the revolution.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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