Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
