going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
