We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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