I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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