My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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