Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
