woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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