You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
