your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
bring money and cleavage
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
