I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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