i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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