her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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