Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His nipple licking is glorious
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