Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
