He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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