I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
