thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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