oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wear drunk well.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
