I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
