i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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