i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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