I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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