walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
