I want to have your abortion
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
