In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
