i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish I only lived at night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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