end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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