Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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