I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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