So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
