think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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