He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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