Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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