the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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