I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Randomize
