So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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