You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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