like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
