So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country