i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.