whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to sanitize my soul.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?