The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
