omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH