if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"