Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.