im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
