how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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