Your dad touched me again.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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