decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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