omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
