Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
