Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
