Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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