Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
