There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
