My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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