Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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