Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
