This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
