I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
