remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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