YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
