dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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