3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
