There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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