I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
