My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
