so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
