Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
