i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
