I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
