She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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