how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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