So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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